An Aggressively Long Novel i.e. My Feelings on the Election!!!!

So I purposely attempted to wait a little while before
writing anything about my feelings on the election. Partially because I still
am not entirely sure how I feel, and partially because I wanted to let it sink
in a bit.

I’ll start by saying this post is going to be very different
than the post I started to write last Tuesday after voting. HAVVVVVING SAID
THAT, originally I was VERY bitter that I was so happy and hopeful on Tuesday, and then so heartbroken on Wednesday, but I don’t feel that way

I am still so
thankful that I took the day off last week to vote. It was the first election I
have voted in and I am really proud that I spent the time trying to really understand
who/what I was voting for. I am also proud that I took the day off to travel
back to Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania, as I’m sure you know, is historically a
swing state, so I feel like my trek back was worth the effort, even if the rest
of the state didn’t end up voting the way that I did.

On an unrelated note, Tuesday was also nice just because I
was home. I spent the afternoon sitting and writing at the Starbucks in the
center of town that I used to hang out at every weekend throughout my teens. It
was kind of a funny coming-of-age feeling to be there as a “mature” voting
adult, after spending so much time there as a little naïve kid. I also spent
the evening looking at houses with my mom, and eating dinner at a restaurant
she used to go to all of the time when we still lived in Doylestown. It made me
really miss home and it made me extremely excited that my mom is considering
moving back there in a couple of months. Doylestown just has such a place in my
heart (in case you couldn’t tell!!!).

It’s also just very weird but very (for lack of a better word) cool
to look back on how much I’ve changed since I was still living (full time aka
pre-college) in Doylestown. I feel like I’ve really grown into myself over the
past year or so and I’m really proud of that!

ANYWAYS onto the political part. Obviously I was not too
pleased about the election results (to put it lightly), but I am trying to be
open-minded. To start, I voted for Hillary mostly due to social reasons. I
believe that (at least for me) political views can change and fluctuate anywhere
along the liberal/conservative spectrum over time. I think that currently, as
24 year old female living in New York City, social reasons play the biggest
part in my political opinions. Maybe 10, 20, or 30 years from now that will be
different. Who’s to say that sometime in the future I won’t be more interested
in voting for economic reasons? I don’t know! But right now, as I’m sure you
have already guessed, I identify as a very liberal person. I am very passionate
about equal rights for women, LGBTQ+, POC, immigrants, etc. That is why I voted
for Hillary. As I said in my Instagram post, I wanted a strong FEMALE role
model for kids to look up to. I wanted the future little girls of America to
never doubt that they can be just as good as the boys. I wanted LGBTQ+ youth
(and adults) to feel safe in their communities. I wanted POC to feel like they
had an equal shot at whatever they strive for. I wanted there to be more advocacy to decrease the stigma surrounding mental health. I wanted immigrants to never
have to fear their potential deportation.

Obviously these dreams are a bit unrealistic. I never
genuinely assumed that, if Hillary became president, our entire country would just adopt
accepting views and automatically become filled with endless love and open-mindedness.
But my point was, that Hillary would have been an amazing step in the right
direction, just as Obama was (is). You can argue forever over whether or not Obama was a good president. Regardless, I believe that an African American in the White House was a huge, important step forward for America. Basically what I’m trying to say is, I didn’t vote for Hillary because I was
voting against Trump or something, I voted for Hillary because I support what she stands for, and because she gives me hope for the future.

**I also will be honest, I’ve watched one too many
documentaries recently about the Women’s Liberation Movement, and the 13th
Amendment, the Criminal Justice System, and Gay Rights and I’ve basically spent
the past month or so panicking even more than ever about how far we’ve come
socially, but how much further we still have to go. LOL vague statement I know…
maybe I’ll get into all of that in another post. Once I start ranting about
that stuff though, it will spiral endlessly out of control until I just start
talking about how, even if we fix every problem in the world, we will still
probably die of a natural disaster. ~See some of my prior Twitter tirades as an
example~ YEAH SO LETS NOT GO THERE. Not a pretty sight!! Not a rational

So liiiiiiiike Trump is the next president. Sick!!! I spent
most of last Tuesday night watching the poll results and panicking, until I finally
fell asleep around 1am, had not one, not two, but THREE nightmares that Trump
won the election, and then woke up to the realization that he actually really
did win. My first reaction was to cry. I was frustrated, angry, and
embarrassed. Embarrassed by how I thought the majority of the country agreed
with the way I was voting. Angry that a woman still wasn’t going to be
president. And frustrated that an idea I thought was a joke a year ago just
became reality.

My next reaction was to fight back. At first I thought that,
because Trump was elected, this must mean the majority of the country didn’t
care about the social issues that I cared about. I couldn’t understand how
anyone would vote for him knowing his morals and past actions. I immediately wrote
a lengthy Instagram post about my feelings. By this time, Hillary was giving
her concession speech. Obviously I wept as I watched, I’m sure most people who
support her did. Her speech was filled with so much love and hope and passion
that it broke my heart. Then I took a break, and tried to consider other
people’s viewpoints. I tried to think logically about why and how Trump could
have won the election after I was so convinced Hillary was going to blow him out
of the water.

I came to the conclusion that this election result is not entirely
bad! I’m sure plenty of people have probably made these same points, but here
is my reasoning:

  1. Setbacks
    just teach us to fight harder.
    The fact that I basically assumed Hillary
    would win without question just means that I was a little naïve with regards to how progressive
    our country currently is (or isn’t). Trump’s win is the shock that should show us (aka
    anyone who is passionate about fighting for human rights) that the fight is
    nowhere near over. With this setback, we can find the passion and drive to
    fight for the equality everyone deserves, now more so than ever.
  2. This one
    is a stretch…
    but Trump used to be a Democrat, and I’ve read some
    articles (although I can’t guarantee they’re even remotely reliable… heh) about how his actions
    during this election could MAYBE have been purposely exaggerated to grab the
    attention/win the votes of the middle of America that tends to be more strongly
    conservative. I can’t say how much I believe this point, but hey, I’m including in anyway. Optimism AMIRITE!!! Don’t read my content if you’re looking for totally factual information because I’m tellin’ ya now, I ain’t supplyin’ that!! But my point in this is…… maybe he’ll chill the EFF out a little when he gets into
    office. It doesn’t seem like that yet, but cross your fingers, ok.
  3. On a more serious note, we as a
    nation are strong enough to fight back.
    Look at the statistics. 55% of our
    country is in favor of gay marriage, 56% of us are in favor of abortions
    being/staying legal, 58% of the nation supports universal health care, 64% of
    the country believes in global warming, and 59% of believe that immigration is
    more helpful than hurtful. SOOO if Trump wants to make massive changes that
    negatively impact these wildly supported concepts, we have the numbers in our
    favor. We have to use this to our advantage.
  4. This has
    opened my eyes to how the internet (kind of) blinded me from the truth.
    majority of people I follow and websites I visit are verrry liberal. I
    purposely follow a lot of powerful women and LGBTQ+/POC online because I like
    seeing their strong, powerful, hopeful messages and I love promoting their
    content. It was so easy for me to assume that because 90% of the media I’m
    consuming is liberal, that 90% of the country must be just as liberal too. That
    is soooo far from the truth. This has reminded me that there is a whole
    plethora of viewpoints out there that I should be more aware of. We have to
    step outside our bubbles to really see the full story sometimes.
  5. Not
    everyone who voted for Trump hates gays or women or people of color.
    A lot
    of people I know who voted for Trump did so for economic reasons. A lot of very
    intelligent people I might add. I can’t and shouldn’t judge these people,
    because in my opinion, like I said before, we all have different motives behind
    our votes. I’m not saying I approve of Trump or am willing to overlook his
    negativities. I am saying that not everyone voted for him because they want to
    deport immigrants, or criminalize abortions, or overturn the legalization of
    gay marriage. I know it’s easy to immediately judge someone who disagrees with
    your opinions, but I’m trying really hard to be open minded and understanding.
    And I’m trying to remind myself that this country is still filled with many
    more good people than bad.
  6. Change
    can still happen on a smaller scale too.
    Even if Hillary had won, there
    would still be plenty of racist, sexist, homophobic/transphobic, etc etc, over-all judgmental
    people in this country. We can help to change the views of these people on a
    smaller scale. We can support local organizations and safe-spaces right now! We
    can donate our time and money to the places that we believe in. I currently am
    working on finding ways to support Planned Parenthood and the Trevor Project! You can find tons of awesome places/organizations like that too! 
  7.  We can
    use our voices!! Right now!!
    I love communities like YouTube for example,
    that have become a space for people of all walks of life to share their
    experiences. I follow so many amazing people on YouTube and I watch week after
    week as these people are influencing hundreds of thousands of viewers worldwide
    with their stories. I purposely follow a lot of young gay/lesbian/trans people
    because I love seeing how they’re teaching so many others to be comfortable in
    their skin. I also follow a lot of people who openly talk about their struggles
    with physical disabilities and mental illnesses. I follow comedians, activists,
    and a lot of kewl passionate young kids who are trying to do awesome things.
    Although I am not creating content like these people, I openly support them
    with my subscriptions, likes, and comments. I also try to share content that I
    find specifically influential with a wider audience on my social media platforms.  I think it’s really important to show your support for these people!! It’s fucking terrifying to share your true and honest self
    with the world. These people receive a lot of negative feedback for their
    content. It’s important to express to them that you support what they’re doing! It
    really really helps, I’m telling you! This applies to anything, not just
    YouTube. From a post on social media, to a protest on the street, if you agree
    with it, let them know! And if you want to share your beliefs and experiences
    too, do it! Even if people disagree, I’m telling you that people will support you
    and I’m telling you it’s worth it. Fight for the change/equality/acceptance that
    you believe in. You will feel proud and empowered, I promise.

IT? IDC EITHER WAY HA!! On a sort of funny note, I’ve already lost 8 followers on
Instagram this week based on my past three liberally-swayed posts lol. I really
thought that would be something that upset me, but it honestly makes me feel
proud. I am proud that I spoke my mind and shared what I believe in. If people
disagree so much that they don’t want to continue to follow me that is fine by

I have plenty of friends with differing opinions and we can still mutually respect
each other. I think that’s how it should be! There will always be Republicans
and there will always be Democrats. For everything you support, there is going
to be at least one person that is going to oppose it. That is just the way life

But hopefully some parts of this post made at least a little bit of sense!!?! I’m still working through my feelings and opinions honestly. So who knows,
maybe a couple months from now my outlook on all of this will have changed
again. But for now, this long rant is how I feel. Hopefully Trump doesn’t fuck
shit up and we all live happily ever after!!!!!!!!!!!!! ‘Murica, amirite? 


 But seriously, let me know your thoughts/opinions too? If you want?


Hey, I live in New York now

It’s funny how different my productivity has become in just a couple short weeks. Let me explain. 

I moved to Manhattan on September 6…..that was a little over a week ago. Since then, I feel extremely unproductive and lazy. In a way, I think I deserve it. Commuting really took a toll on me. But on the other hand, I am in the city I always DREAMED of living in and I’ve spent the past week glued to the couch in my free time!!!!! This is a very typical cycle for me to fall into…so I’m trying to nip the problem in the bud before it really starts to take a hold on me. 

I always dreamed of living in New York as a kid because I imagined being surrounded by people that inspire my creativity. I imagined being literally mesmerized by the beauty and talent all around me. I definitely think that raw talent is everywhere here, but I think I am already choosing to overlook it and that terrifies me. I don’t want to ever become the stereotypical busy New Yorker rushing to and from work blinded by stress.

I think I need to make more of a conscious effort to spend time in public alone. And I need to spend that time taking in everyone around me and also WRITING. 

I’ve been really bored at my job recently and I think that has a lot to do with my laziness too. It is no surprise that I am not exactly “doing what I love” at my current job. Many people don’t though! So in a sense, I am okay with that for now. But I can’t let that boredom spill over into every other aspect of my life. 

I am going to try to spend at least one day a week, alone, writing. And I want to try to find a new place to visit every week. I think it will be a good challenge for me. 

I once bought a book called 642 Things to Write About. Maybe I will take those prompts and write them on here every week.

Sorry this post wasn’t as deep or as dark as some of my other ones. I’ve just felt very stark and bland recently and I think it is showing through in my writing too. I need a lil inspiration ~y’all~

PLZ SEND SUGGESTIONS IF YOU’D LIKE. OR ASK ME QUESTIONS IF YOU WANT. I don’t even think people read this but hey, is there anything that inspires you? 

Being 24 with Acne

I was originally planning to write a post about a new podcast I am listening to BUT I’m going to save that for another time because I have a new pressing issue that I want to complain about. 


Anyways, like I said the other week, I started a new medication for my depression and anxiety a few weeks ago. I have always been a little hesitant towards medications of any kind because of the potential looming side effects. For about 5 years in high school and college I took Adderall and at first it was a dream. I lost weight, I could focus, I was happy, I felt motivated, etc etc etc. But VERY quickly things began to take a downhill turn. I started feeling numb, I had even more trouble focusing than I did when I started, and if I went a single day without taking it, I was useless. I finally decided to stop taking Adderall when I graduated college and it took me a solid 3 months to regain any energy or motivation. And in all honesty, I still really haven’t felt the same since. 

This negative experience was the beginning of all of my fears and concerns. Then last August I started taking birth control for the first time. I was finally fed up with having horrible, never ending cramps, and I figured my experience couldn’t be THAT bad, since ya know like eeeeeveryone takes birth control, right?? But nope, this didn’t go well either! I’ve been taking birth control for a year now and I’m still not happy with it, not to mention the fact that I definitely think I’ve gained weight as a result. 

Sooooooooooo when my psychiatrist suggested I try a new medication, I was terrified. Especially because a lot of depression/anxiety medications tend to have a long list of potential side effects. I’m a little over two weeks in and, I’m indifferent and still extremely nervous. The biggest issue I am noticing now, as you can tell from the title, is my acne. 

I have always said that I was a late bloomer with regards to acne though. I didn’t really have breakouts until college, but this is waaaay worse. I’ve never has acne like this in my life and it’s terrifying. 

My point with this is, although acne is a minor side effect, it is extremely discouraging. Getting to the point where I feel comfortable taking a medication like this is hard, and to realize that it is causing side effects that make me even sadder is even harder. It took a lot of guts to admit I may need more help than just some appointments with my therapist, so to know that medication isn’t as easy as it sounds is reallllllllly difficult, especially for someone than struggles with anxiety/depression. 

Like, if someone said to you “hey, I can give you a life where you’ll probably be happier (no guarantees, tho) but as a result you’ll constantly feel ugly and possibly struggle with more side effects like no sex drive, but at least you might be happier! (even though you may at some point down the line also struggle with withdrawal symptoms)”… would you accept the offer? or would you rather consciously choose to struggle with depression?



I have listened to a lot of podcasts and I am running out of one’s that I enjoy. So naturally the first idea I jump to is: I should start one???

L O L if only it was that easy. But in all seriousness…should I?? 

I listen to a lot of really awesome podcasts. Some that I listen to are just about interesting unsolved crimes/mysteries/etc (ie: Criminal, Serial, Undisclosed, Unsolved Murders). A lot are just interviews with people I find interesting (ie: Anna Faris in Unqualified, Not Too Deep with Grace Helbig, Zall Good with Alexis G. Zall, Off Camera with Sam Jones), And some are just about life, emotions, and the issues we all may encounter (ie: Beautiful//Anonymous, Mental Illness Happy Hour).  

There are SO many other genres of podcasts out there that I didn’t even list (and many that I listen to that I didn’t even mention), but my point is: PODCASTS ARE COOL AND INTERESTING AND I THINK I HAVE SOME GOOD IDEAS.

Is that narcissistic of me? What if the reason I want to start the podcast is because I want my friends voices to be heard via interviews? 

I want to actually think harder about this idea because it could be v cool. ok